The Prerequisite for Entertaining Discussions

When people are genuinely interested in finding an answer to a given topic, intellectual assistance can be very productive. Each person can benefit from the others intellectual assistance, either to correct or to strengthen their own views.

But isn’t there a step before offering intellectual assistance? I often see that people are simply not interested in refutations, and just as often the motives of those who refute are irrational.

Many times, I see propositions and “intellectual assistance” being used as ways to assert oneself as the “righteous and superior” party, rather than as contributions toward a shared goal.

In online discussions and elsewhere, people defending their fundamental positions frequently place themselves in a frantic quest to “prove themselves right” instead of pursuing a shared objective. I confess I was often guilty of that same irrational behavior.

After years of reflection—and a great deal of frustration—I concluded that it is irrational to try to “prove myself right” except to people who matter to me and already respect me. I realized that refutation and discussion only make sense when there are made of sincere contribution for a shared goal. There is nothing to discuss when there is no form of trade involved. Trade can be any exchange: knowledge, goods or services, affection, political goals, and so on.

I concluded that there is nothing to gain from a quest to “prove myself right,” and much to lose. Yes, I can share my views, but not everyone is looking for my opinions, refutations, nor do they care about them.

I believe that a discussion must be based on mutual interest and mutual goals; otherwise, there is no point in discussing anything.

For that reason, I am extremely careful today about whom I choose to refute or discuss. I prefer to engage only with those who already respect me and value what I have to say. With everyone else, I have nothing to gain by “proving them wrong.” All I would gain is their contempt for giving them an uninvited lecture.