The way I chose to save my soul
I am 45 years old. After 45 years of observing myself and people, I've come to realize that I've always been a revolutionary who believed in concluding my fundamental beliefs independently, through observation and logic. I call myself revolutionary because I notice that very few people chose to live this way. My way of life is radically different. I've gotten confused and hopeless multiple times, but somehow I've continued, and now I realize I was doing the right thing. I wasn't letting anything stand between me and reality, an attitude that ultimately benefited me.
I only realized after 40 that I've always been a truly independent thinker. By being so, I chose to engage in deeper inquiries from an early age to understand fundamental truths, while not knowing that there was a whole area of science devoted for that. Not being a genius, I faced a lot of confusion and trouble. Although I discovered by myself some insightful thoughts, and lived a somewhat successful life, I couldn't integrate my thoughts into a cohesive whole.
Then, I came across great rational thinkers who had attempted similar pursuits. They discovered rational wisdom independently and changed the world around them. I decided to study them seriously when I was 41. As usual, I did not accept their views blindly. I convinced myself of my fundamental beliefs based on their help. Here I am now, having learned important fundamental truths that helped me form my own conclusions rationally. As a result, I feel better about myself and the world. I enjoy my life way more. I am happier.
I've observed that not many people made the same choices as I did when they were young. Based on my observations of them and myself, I'm attempting to formulate a flowchart of how humans choose the ways they use to discover truth, and the code of values to guide their actions. In other words, what do people do when they opt not to discover fundamental truths on their own?
My hypothesis is that when they need guidance for action and deciding what is truly meaningful for them, they ask themselves the following questions and make decisions accordingly (order of them varies) :
First decision point: Will I judge my beliefs independently and rationally?
- If yes, observe, research, think, and conclude, while accepting no contradictions.
- If not, proceed to the next decision point.
Do I believe in God and religion?
- If yes, decide, "I feel comfortable with fundamental truths offered by religion, and I will blindly follow them."
- If not, proceed to the next decision point.
Do I feel comfortable going with others' ideas and looking for their praise and acceptance?
- If yes, "I feel comfortable with fundamental truths offered by others, and I will blindly follow the group I feel most comfortable with."
- If not, proceed to the next step.
I have no idea, and I don't care; I will become a thorough skeptic living on based on my whims of the moment.
Today, I'm grateful for choosing the path of independent thinking in step one. By doing so, I've protected my mental integrity from external influences and preserved my soul – the same curious and passionate soul I had as a child, with the same nights of deep sleep and vivid dreams.
It wasn't easy, but it was worth it. I'll continue on this path: curious, passionate, and willing to learn more about this amazing thing called: my own existence. If I learn in the right way, I will keep learning, and keep connecting the dots for an even more exciting experience.
If you've gotten this far in four years you may be a genius. At the very least most of this was already something you figured out before encountering Ayn Rand. You continue to report so much of my own journey, so thank you.