When Longing Meets Conviction

I find Chopin’s Nocturne (click to listen) deeply melancholic, and I do not listen to it as a way to lift my spirit. But I consider this song to be a spectacular display of art.

When I listen to it, I feel longing—the feeling that comes from valuing what is not there. I felt this when I left my home country with intention to immigrate. I feel longing each time I return to visit, only to leave again. The feeling came whenever I realized I was leaving behind the people and things I valued. The prospect of leaving what I value behind is probably one of the deepest emotional pains I have ever experienced.

Saying goodbye at an airport to people I loved, knowing I would be far away for a long time, was incredibly difficult. There were times when the pain felt so overwhelming that I thought I would never recover from it. On one occasion, I literally collapsed while boarding the plane and had to rely on others to help me up.

The fact is that I had hard choices to make. I could not have everything. I wanted a more free and fulfilling life. I did not want to live in the place where I was born, because I concluded that the future there was not proper for a person like me.

So I made my choice. I came to the United States despite the pain and the struggle. This process made me deeply confused, and with the urgent need to rethink everything through.

Eighteen years later, I often look back and see that although I suffered deeply, I endured. One of my greatest achievements was learning to bring more clarity to my mind. At times I was very confused, but with the help of great thinkers, I eventually found peace in the process.

Some people say that Chopin deeply regretted leaving Poland. I can say that I am no artistic genius like Chopin, and I can also say I have no regrets about leaving my country of origin.

The only regret I have is not having begun to study philosophy earlier. Philosophy gave me the ability to be more at ease with the unfamiliar, look toward the future with more confidence, and to leave the past where it belongs. It also helped me to considerably increase my appreciation of art.

I needed beliefs I could rely on. The fact is that I came across amazing people in the process, and working with them to discover such beliefs became a passion of mine, although knowing that studying them was not my essential purpose in life. Today I enjoy learning and striving to apply what I learned to achieve my goals, have fun, and live well.

Rethinking my most basic beliefs was crucial in helping me build a more meaningful life shaped by difficult choices.

As an immigrant, I think I had no choice other than decide to look forward. Philosophy gave me the tools needed to recover the spirit I had when I was a child, in order to be able to do it.

I go on in life gaining things and at times losing others. I keep believing that the losses will not discourage me to keep my mind active and curious with what is next. Having the right tools to incorporate the new, and learn with the old is crucial in the process. I have the conviction that philosophy is the way to discover them.